I FELT TRAPPED...
MISERABLE...
FRUSTRATED...
CONFUSED...
COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY STUCK!
Oh don't get me wrong, I didn't let anyone know how I was feeling. In fact, I think most of the time I did a pretty good job of keeping this from myself! It was 2007, and I had a plan.... Suffer now, sacrifice myself and do all these "necessary" things that make me completely unhappy, and then eventually, one day, when I've achieved all my goals, I'll be happy!
I had an excuse for every single decision I'd ever made and why it was necessary to keep going in the same direction, why I couldn't change my mind. My constant inner dialogue told me over and over the very terrifying reasons why I couldn't change my life. I'd be a failure, I'd be abandoned, I'd lose everything...I HAVE NO CHOICE but to be a victim and keep going.
At that point, the world seemed so unfair...I'd done everything right! And by everything, I mean everything that the world tells you that will make you happy....Get your education, get a good job, save your money, have insurance, take calculated business risks, pick a man and sacrifice to make it work, invest in your future and retirement, trade your time to get paid so you can eventually have everything you've ever wanted.
I was doing all of these things, and so unfairly, the world kept knocking me down! But I didn't give up! It was just a lesson and I was getting smarter, right?! If something didn't work as it was "supposed to", I doubted myself. I must have not done it right. I must not have done my "homework" enough and I would get it next time. I must not be worthy of getting that new job or that raise. These messages from the "powers that be", all the other people in the world, can't possibly be wrong! It must be me...
I was convinced my failures were deserved, and despite my best efforts to turn things around, things seemed to get worse. I was exhausted all the time. I had lost all enjoyment in life. My frustration came out as all I took to constantly complaining about my situation. Talking about it made me feel slightly better, acknowledging my discontent, expressing my feelings, but in the end I was scared to make any REAL change.
This was my life...and everyday I put on a happy face, an air of success and a determination to make something of myself. Fake it til you make it, right?!! But that doesn't work if everything in your heart tells you there's just SOMETHING not right!! It was all a sacrifice because MY HEART WAS NEVER IN IT!
Does any of this sound familiar? Does even just a little bit of it resonate with you? Is fear, obligation and expectation running your life too? If this is you.....it is absolutely possible to CHANGE EVERYTHING!!!
Don't lose hope...your new life can start today regardless of your fears!
Stay tuned every week as I plan to tell my story and help everyone I can to gain the peace and freedom I've created in my life. We ALL can do it...and you deserve it!!
MISERABLE...
FRUSTRATED...
CONFUSED...
COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY STUCK!
Oh don't get me wrong, I didn't let anyone know how I was feeling. In fact, I think most of the time I did a pretty good job of keeping this from myself! It was 2007, and I had a plan.... Suffer now, sacrifice myself and do all these "necessary" things that make me completely unhappy, and then eventually, one day, when I've achieved all my goals, I'll be happy!
I had an excuse for every single decision I'd ever made and why it was necessary to keep going in the same direction, why I couldn't change my mind. My constant inner dialogue told me over and over the very terrifying reasons why I couldn't change my life. I'd be a failure, I'd be abandoned, I'd lose everything...I HAVE NO CHOICE but to be a victim and keep going.
At that point, the world seemed so unfair...I'd done everything right! And by everything, I mean everything that the world tells you that will make you happy....Get your education, get a good job, save your money, have insurance, take calculated business risks, pick a man and sacrifice to make it work, invest in your future and retirement, trade your time to get paid so you can eventually have everything you've ever wanted.
I was doing all of these things, and so unfairly, the world kept knocking me down! But I didn't give up! It was just a lesson and I was getting smarter, right?! If something didn't work as it was "supposed to", I doubted myself. I must have not done it right. I must not have done my "homework" enough and I would get it next time. I must not be worthy of getting that new job or that raise. These messages from the "powers that be", all the other people in the world, can't possibly be wrong! It must be me...
I was convinced my failures were deserved, and despite my best efforts to turn things around, things seemed to get worse. I was exhausted all the time. I had lost all enjoyment in life. My frustration came out as all I took to constantly complaining about my situation. Talking about it made me feel slightly better, acknowledging my discontent, expressing my feelings, but in the end I was scared to make any REAL change.
This was my life...and everyday I put on a happy face, an air of success and a determination to make something of myself. Fake it til you make it, right?!! But that doesn't work if everything in your heart tells you there's just SOMETHING not right!! It was all a sacrifice because MY HEART WAS NEVER IN IT!
Does any of this sound familiar? Does even just a little bit of it resonate with you? Is fear, obligation and expectation running your life too? If this is you.....it is absolutely possible to CHANGE EVERYTHING!!!
Don't lose hope...your new life can start today regardless of your fears!
Stay tuned every week as I plan to tell my story and help everyone I can to gain the peace and freedom I've created in my life. We ALL can do it...and you deserve it!!
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