CONTROL is not real.... you may be resisting this statement right now. (Trust me I understand...I was a HUGE control freak myself :-D)
Repeat that to yourself again....CONTROL is NOT REAL!
You may be coming up with a hundred things that you THINK you control right now.
I work hard and that's why I'm successful. I'm safe because I lock my doors at night. If I drive with my hands at 10 and 2 then I'll get where I'm going without getting in an accident.
All those thoughts of "If This, THEN that..." are attempts to control.
You may have systems or formulas for doing everything the "Best Way".
"It's more efficient."
"It's the right way."
"Other people have proven this is the method, and I should follow it if I want to get what they have."
It may come into your head like "I HAVE/NEED to do this, if I want to be successful, or respected, or loved"
Now, you're probably coming up with all the reasons why you like all of the things you "control"...
"I just feel more comfortable when I do it that way."
"I can't imagine not doing things the way that I do."
"I like my routine"
"Why fix it if it ain't broke? Right!!"
"I like the way I do things"
Or maybe your ego might come from the other side...
"If I don't do this, then <insert something bad that will happen>
How about this... "If I can figure out what that other person is thinking, then I can control how they react by saying or doing <insert whatever it is you think will convince that person to do what you want>
You may have no idea how much "controlling" you do all day long.
You may not have as many "control issues" as I had, but if any of the statements above resonate or sound familiar to you, then you're using control as a way to avoid feeling FEAR.
What I didn't realize before is that all of my attempts to control and make me feel better, actually ended up CONTROLLING ME! They became things I HAD to do, and I would feel extremely uncomfortable if I didn't try to control it. It made me stuck in my own head analyzing, problem solving, figuring out, anticipating, thinking ahead, planning, and out-witting! If I thought enough ahead, I could control what was coming....orrrrr NOT AT ALL!
It didn't matter how well I planned and anticipated, if it wasn't meant to be then something outside my control (and there's always something outside my control) would happen to change things. The most upsetting thing is that, for that moment, when I realized my plan failed and I didn't anticipate every possibility, it became clear that all my effort to control had been once again for nothing. It was disheartening. It made me so resistant to change because I put so much energy into forcing things to be the way I wanted. But again, control and the ego are tricky... somehow I always managed to reset, reanalyze, reassess, and start controlling again.
"It's going to work this time because I'm smarter and NOW I see the whole picture!"
Oh yes...tricky tricky... this is how things become patterns. We constantly repeat the same patterns, trying to force things that we want, always ending in the same disappointment. Now THAT is actually the definition of insanity, not control...
I'm amazingly thankful to Theta for helping me clear my head of this constant chatter and pressure, but you don't Need Theta. The first step is becoming aware of your thoughts, acknowledging them as a problem, actually SEEING that your control doesn't exist, and finally, choosing to change first the behaviors and then the thoughts will change as well! I'll warn you, this process is long...but more than worth it!! Theta just happens to help that change occur instantly. :-)
There's hope for you my dear control freak of a friend...
Control has NO SENSE
Jess
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